Kia doesn’t make memorable cars. In fact the when I think of a car made by Kia, the only one that springs to mind is the Picanto – good value for money, small car, blah, blah, blah. Oh! And that drop-side bakkie thing from those adverts, you know “Hai’bo” or is that Hyundai? I don’t know, anyway Kia and Hyundai are joined at the hip anyway. Funnily enough another thing that pops into my head when I think of Kia is World Cup 2010. I know they have something to do with it, but I can’t remember what at the minute, probably official carrier to the players or something. Picture the opening ceremony come 2010, there’ll be drop-side Kia bakkies doing pirouettes and Hyundai Tucson’s doing fancy freestyle motocross maneuvers. Aah! Only in Africa.

Imagine my shock then when out and about on the roads, out of nowhere I was hurriedly grabbing at my indicator stalk, signaling my intent to move over because in my review mirror there was a black wedge shaped, two door coupe chomping at the bit to get to town two minutes quicker than I. I moved over, and the low black profile sped past. I only had a second to get a glimpse of the badge on the back – usually I can tell the make of the car behind me purely by the shape of the front bumper. But this one had me stumped and feverishly trawling the memory banks in search of a match. As it glided past I caught a glimpse of the maker. “Kia! What the ****” It just spewed out and out loud, like I had no control of my mouth, such was my surprise. Had anyone else been in the car, I’m sure there would’ve been a very awkward silence.

Kia doesn’t make memorable cars, and I still stand by this. “So what the hell is going on then I asked myself” as I Googled Kia’s website. “It had to be a ‘grey’ import or some weird body kit stitched onto a Rio or something” I told myself as the website loaded. But no, there it was, the very same low wedged shaped, sporty looking, two door coupé that had passed me on the freeway. And the name they’ve given to this great looking car?

Pro_cee’d. Oh no! Why couldn’t they have called this the Sportage, instead of an ugly quasi off roader? Other than the obvious synonym to proceed i.e. begin a course of action or go on to do something, Kia has managed to complicate things further and throw two punctuation marks into its name. Trying to decipher Kia’s explanation just confused me further, “An extraordinary car deserves its extraordinary name. ‘ce’ (community of Europe) and ‘ed’ (European design) have been combined to form the name of the first model, cee’d. This top of the range model gets ‘pro’ to emphasise its excellence.” Hmm sounds like marketing jargon if you asked me. Adding ‘Pro’ to base model of a car is, well just dodgy and you risk talking it up as something ‘excellent’ before you’ve even started off. Michael Schumacher was a pro, so was Pete Samprass, but they had the credentials to back it up.

Kia is very quick to point out that the Pro_cee’d was designed in Europe. They don’t say where in Europe or by whom so I suppose one can just leave that bit up to the imagination. “Combining the very highest standards of engineering with distinctive European aesthetics in every aspect of its exterior, interior, fixtures and fittings, the Pro_cee’d speaks to the needs and wants of today’s ambitious drivers.” Ok, still confused. The guys that write these marketing blurbs really take creative licence to the max. What is obvious from all this PR speak though is that Kia is aiming straight for Europe’s best with the Pro_cee’d, with their crosshairs sitting squarely on the evergreen Golf 1.4TSi (R272 900), Ford’s new Focus ST 3 door (R272 690) and Opel’s Astra GTC 1.8 (R256 580). Punching above it weight limit the Pro_cee’d could also take on BMW’s 118 3 door (R264 000), VW’s slick Scirocco 1.4TSi (R282 000) and Audi’s A3 1.8TFSi (R261 500).

Pro_cee’d is great looking car. VW and Audi would be proud. It has a very high, taught accentuated waist line, combined with a low roof, this leaves little area for the glass sections and gives the Pro_cee’d a very low, aggressive, purposeful stance There’s a hint of Scirocco in the rear three quarter areas, where the front door windows meets the solid rear section glass area. There’s the same dark tinted rear glass which tapers off to meet the boot hatch, a la Scirocco. The rump reminds me of the Audi A3, although things are jazzed up a bit with well styled rear lights. Expect a huge rear blind-spot when driving this car as the C pillars are huge, combined with a small hatch window, will equate to regular blindspot checks and sprained necks.

Aggressive front bumper treatment together with smart alloy wheels, flared wheel arches and a sporty rear hatch spoiler combine to give the Pro_cee’d a unique and inspired profile that will definitely turn a few heads out on the streets. Ultimately though where VW employed Van Gough to pen their Scirocco, Kia could only manage his understudy.

Adding to Kia naming [filtered word] you can choose between two models, the Pro_cee’d (R249 995) or Pro_cee’d Sport (R289 995), and they sure do throw in a lot of kit as standard. Features include active headrests, radio/cd/mp3 player with steering wheel remote controls, a USB and AUX connection, front, side and curtain airbags, keyless entry, power windows and mirrors, climate control, 16 inch alloy wheels. The Sport model adds further features like an in-dash 6 disc cd player, an IPod cable, a three button folding key, 17 inch alloys, full leather interior and smatterings of aluminium around the interior and a very handy parking sensors, which will make parking and reversing a cinch.  

Honestly though, Kia could’ve squeezed a more power out of the 2 liter (105kw and 186nm) engine they’ve given the Pro_cee’d and considering the asking price especially for the Sport model, and the competition, you’d expect a little more sportiness. The 2 liter in question will have adequate power but will be below expectations considering this cars design flair. Interior quality might also disappoint considering the levels of refinement you get in an Audi or VW.

In the end Kia has designed a great looking car, but is a great design enough to justify a premium price tag? I think not, especially considering what the Teutonic three have to offer. Yes it’s jammed full of standard kit, and I agree a good looking car is essential, but in the cabin is where you will spend most of the time and the Pro_cee’d definitely gets a yellow card in that respect.

Unfortunately the Cee’d doesn’t quite have the professional credentials it claims to. Frankly it’s a Second Division act masquerading in the Premier League and relegation is on the cards.